I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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