you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
