I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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