You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize