dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
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