jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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