I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize