I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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