Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
