i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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