WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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