i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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