A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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