I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
