the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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