Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
