he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize