I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
