Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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