Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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