I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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