Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
