We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
