I think my vagina is haunted
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
