I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
