with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize