ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
