U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
last night I used snow as a chaser
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
