don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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