Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
