Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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