She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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