The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
