its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
