I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
