shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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