They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
