i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
