He kissed a someone with a penis
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
