I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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