Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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