real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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