Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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