Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
