I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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