Your tits are I can't wait for
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
