I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
