Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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