Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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