Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Drunk is a universal language darling
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