Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
