Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
