Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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