after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
