whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize