drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
