you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
