The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
