i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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