why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
