His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
