Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
