can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
