You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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