So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
