His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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