This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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