the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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